The LDS church one ups itself

I did not think I would live to see it happen, but I believe this church has just one-upped itself in level of deceit and deception.

When I was going through my faith crisis, I was looking for reasons to stay, as opposed to reasons to go. I had known about lots of the historical problems and had found ways to resolve them. True Brigham was racist, Joseph may or may not have been an adulterer, the Book of Mormon had some problems, but I was willing to accept lots of the “they were just flawed human beings” type answers. I could have done that, but the part that bothered me most was not all that stuff from the past, the racism and polyandry, it was bad, but it was in the past. What bothered me most was the continual deception and telling of half-truths by the LDS church. The cover up was far worse than the crime. That was bad, but the Church has just one-upped itself.

If someone lies to you and comes back within a few hours and admits to their lying and apologizes, it does not excuse the lie, but most all good-hearted human beings would be willing to forgive.

Now if the person lies, and then a few days later you catch them in the lie and confront them about it, and when you do they admit to it and apologize, that would be harder to forgive, but as I am the forgiving type, I would in almost all cases be willing to extend the olive branch. 

The next level up is when they lie, they are caught in the lie, confronted about it, and still continue to deny that they lied for several hours/day/years until some other external threat comes and they finally confess. That is a lot harder to forgive, and that is exactly what the church has been doing for the last hundred or so years. The church has essentially been denying racism, polyandry, and all this stuff for a hundred of years, denying, or purposely avoiding, which is the same thing. It was only recently that the church finally made confession, and really it was the outside authority of the internet which had so thoroughly exposed the church that we can hardly say “made confession” when in reality what happened is the church was forced to confessed due to the barrage of truth reaching the members from sources such as mormonthink.com and the CES letter. 

The church was forced to confess after a century of denial and avoidance. That is a hard sin to forgive. But I am a forgiving person, and I just may have been able to do it. I was just warming up to being more NOM (New Order Mormon) over the past few weeks I have been remembering lots of the good lessons I learned in church (“lift where you stand,” “by small and simple means are great things brought to pass”, and many more) I felt maybe with a good full confession, this relationship could be restored. If they had said “look we messed up really bad, we have been less than honest, and in many cases outright dishonest for the past few hundred years about these issues, and we are sorry.” I would have said it would have been nice if you had said this before (like a hundred years ago), but you know, things could work. But instead they dropped one foot deeper into the mud of pride and deceit.

If a friend lies to you, doesn’t confess, is confronted with the lie, and continues to deny for a lengthy time before finally being forced to admit, that is bad, but what makes it worse is when some other person confronts them about the lie and confession (say a whole bunch of media outlets all reporting on how you have denied the truth for over 100 years) and instead of admitting to what happened you say, “Oh yeah, we have said this all along,we have been completely honest about this for the 100 years.” That is when you know that person has not repented. To use the church language, that person is full of pride and stiffnecked, there is no humility or honesty left in them. They are just as deceitful and full of B.S. as they have been from the first, because it isn’t about honesty, it isn’t about telling the truth, all they are saying is whatever they can say and get away with. That is how you know they would not have told anything if they had not had to, they would not have confessed if  they had not been confronted, they would not have done anything except they were backed in to the corner.

Anyone who says the church has been upfront about these issues all along knows they are being completely dishonest. Maybe there was reference to these issues in some obscure ensign article, or 150 years ago a seventy said such and such at the pulpit. But look through every church student manual, Sunday School manual, etc. etc. and you will find no reference to Joseph Smith having a 14 year old wife when he was 38. It will be Joseph and Emma, Joseph and Emma, and that is it. If not outright lies, the church has at least not told the whole truth, which according to how I learned about honesty in Sunday School, is the same as lying. 

The church has to know that people are hurting right now. Hurting bad. I just read a heartbreaking story about a Stake President and Bishops in Honduras learning about the truth they had been told to fight as lies for years. Can the church not see that people have given their entire freaking lives to this, given years and years, hours and hours, and their last drop of income to this, all based on lies? How incredibly insensitive can a church be? To drop this truth on them, they have to know it is going to hurt like hell (Not that the truth hurts or is bad, but rather the fact that they have been dedicated to a lie). And then to tell these people who are, in the spiritual sense, bleeding and writhing in pain, “oh, well we have known about this all along, we have always been honest about this.” That is to just spit in their face. That is more than adding insult to injury, that is adding injury to injury.

I have had hopes that the institutional church could be repaired, that it would somehow be honest and make amends. That obviously Is not going to happen. To use the language of the church, the church is itself ‘past feeling.’ The church is a stone face that not only lacks a contrite heart and spirit, it has no heart at all.

There are good people, even great people who live in the church, people I love and admire. There are great lessons and morals that I learned in the church. But I cannot stay with the church because I love those people and love those morals. To stay with the church, is to stay with the person that insults and mocks the people I love. To stay with the church is to be a part of an institution that abhors (in practice, regardless of what they say), the morals I respect.

I love people and I love morals too much to sell myself to that whore who pretends to love both, but really is just using them to take their money, give them nothing, and lie to them about it the entire time. 

Behind the Excommunications

The Face of Dogmatic in the LDS church. 

The extremely strange events of June 2014 beg a few questions and speculation.

This event on the surface makes no sense. I have seen some speculation as to why, but no one has really had any sort of sensible answer, but I have yet to read any decent explanation.

The church has been more open and less likely to excommunicate ever since the September six as the church has realized the public backlash that comes from excommunicating “thought criminals” in particular very public and even well-liked thought criminals, such as John Dehlin, and Kate Kelly.

That was one of the lessons of the September six, the other lesson which I thought the church had learned was that they end up excommunicating those who are in the best position to help the church. There is no other person who could have helped the church more during these years of increased historical visibility than D. Michael Quinn. Think about it, he is Gay, he knows all the issues better than most anyone, and he believes. What better mark of openness and understanding for the church to point to than that. He could have been a great asset. He would have been as good or better than Richard Bushman at handling the Swedish issue, and would have been able to address the issue of the historical “essays” much better as well. But the church excommunicated him. Excommunicated the person who could have been their best ally during the internet years. This is one of the many signs the church is not run by Prophets, Seers, or Revelators. 

D. Michael Quinn: the man who could have saved Mormonism.

The church apparently has not learned its lesson that the liberal elements in the church can be its savior. John Dehlin in particular has made enormous effort to help those stay in the church that desire to and who have had faith crises and would have otherwise left. He has been one of the church’s biggest advocates and has done more than anyone to try in some way resolve the historical mess the church has created by being dishonest about its history.

On every level, the excommunication makes no sense. Excommunicating the guy who started stayLDS.org? Can there be more irony than this?

Could it be that this is a local issue? Did two local leaders just feel (were inspired?) to get rid of these two troublemakers? This is the theory the church has claimed. This cannot be true. This had to be organized by Salt Lake, because in the LDS church everything is ordered by Salt Lake. Bishop’s are pawns of the Stake President and the Stake presidents of the General Authorities. Obedience is the first law of the LDS Church, to paraphrase LDS scripture.

First off, the chance that two completely independent excommunication letters were sent within a day of each other is essentially zero. Next, any church leader has to know that taking action against someone as public as John Dehlin or Kate Kelly is going to cause a huge public out roar. If they did not know this they would have to have an IQ of 27, have never used the internet, and require help to tie their own shoes. Honestly, would any leader bring that much public criticism to the church without first questioning Salt Lake?

When I went to the national Scout Jamboree with a refugee troop in my Salt Lake City ward, we were interviewed by the local press. They wanted to interview the Stake President. Before being interviewed he said he needed to call headquarters and ask. He did, they said he could not be interviewed. He was in a suit and tie and it was for something completely positive about the church. Is it possible to imagine that a  Stake President would do something that would draw loads of press and attention to themselves and the church without first consulting Salt Lake? I think not. These leaders almost for sure were under pressure from someone “higher up” whether this was officially, or more interestingly, some apostle or GA was informally pressuring them, but the chance that they acted alone is about as likely as me throwing skittles into a pond and having rainbows and unicorns come out.

Who is behind it?

Obviously I don’t know. But it might be helpful to look to the September Six. The September Six happened because the Prophet was incapacitated and so Boyd K. Packer exerted more influence in the quorum of the Twelve. Packer had to know that once Hinckley was at the helm, this was not going to happen. So he acted and acted fast. I see no reason to believe that this is any different. I do not know the health status of the Prophet, but I have heard he is having difficulties. It is not hard to imagine that the situation is much as it was in 1993. Packer also knows his days are numbered and needs to act. I don’t know. Could it also be Oaks? Maybe.

One thing is clear, there is a faction within the quorum of the twelve that is very conservative. There is a lack of love in the quorum. There was heated disagreement about whether to release the historical essays. Some of the conservative factions were less than excited. It is easy to imagine that faction being the one taking control of a somewhat unhealthy prophet and exercising “unrighteous dominion" (to say the least).

Ever more intriguing is the possibility that an apostle simply decided to do this on his own. What stake President or Bishop would say no to a call from Boyd K. Packer or Dallin H. Oaks? Seriously. If you are in power in the church, that word has real meaning, they do have power over people, particularly apostles over Stake Presidents and Bishops.

This was centrally organized because the church is centrally organized, and as much as they try to deflect the blame to local leaders, they know, and we all know that they control the local leaders.

Obviously the church has not learned the lessons from the September Six, in particular the “conservative” apostles, if they are behind this, have not learned the lesson. This is because those men must be so prideful and arrogant and disconnected from reality that they literally look at the blue sky, call it magenta, and think that it is so.

This will of course backfire on the church (the more liberal apostles already know this but as Oaks said about Packer at one time, "you don't stage manage a grizzly bear"). The flight from the church will only accelerate. 

My Joseph Smith Story: A letter to my family

“I have learned for myself that Presbyterianism is not true (Joseph Smith History 1: 20).” This line is one that is brushed over when people tell the Joseph Smith story. I also had not really thought of the significance of it until recent years, but I have thought upon it much in the past months.

What makes it so incredible is not what is said, as what is not said. Here was a young boy, 15 years old, going to his mother and telling her that he had discovered the religion she belonged to was not true. I find it amazing that Joesph felt comfortable telling her, but even more her lack of negative response. There is no record of yelling, or even confrontation; what is more, it seems Lucy Mack Smith even believed her son.

I cannot hope to possibly have the same level of understanding and support that Joseph Smith experienced from his family as I reveal this story, but I would ask that you proportion me at least some level of the understanding that must have been in Lucy Mack Smith’s heart that day when Joseph walked in and said, “I have learned for myself that Presbyterianism is not true.”

And so with that confidence in your love for me, I bravely venture forth.

I have learned for myself that Mormonism is not true. It was not an easy thing for me to find out or accept, and I do not expect it to be easy for you to accept that this is where I have arrived, but I promise you it cannot be much harder for you to accept me than it has been for me to accept this most bitter pill.

So the question remains, why have I done this?

Many aspects of Joseph Smith’s story still impress me, in particular his conviction in the face of opposition. Many of his friends and Church leaders he had known turned on him, but he stood by his convictions. “Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it (Joseph Smith History1:25).”

Martin Luther similarly declared in front of the diet of worms, “My conscience is captive… I cannot and will not recant anything, since it is neither safe nor right to go against conscience.”

These men of valor have always impressed me. Regardless of how the world felt about their convictions, they stood by them, for they knew they were right. How could I, pretend to follow them when I was unwilling to do the same thing and stand by my convictions?

It is not in spite of what I was taught growing up in the church, but because of what I was taught that I must make this change in my life. I was taught valor, courage, integrity, honesty, and to value the truth above all else. I cannot and will not step away from those values. I have done so in the past, but I do not want to again and that is why I am writing this letter. That is why I am taking this stand. I don’t want to pretend to believe something I do not. Many probably do, but I am not one of those. I want to live a life of integrity. Of honesty. Of courage. There is nothing courageous about living what you do not believe in because society around you expects it of you. Do what is right let the consequence follow is what I sung, and still believe. There are no ends that justify the means. Honesty and integrity are the keys to happy life and I ask you to help me have those virtues.

Mormonism was for me Truth. That is what it always was. Nothing more, and nothing less. Joseph Smith said, “One of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism is to receive truth, let it come from whence it may.” Joseph also said, “Mormonism is truth…The first and fundamental principle of our holy religion is, that we believe that we have a right to embrace all, and every item of truth, without limitation or … being … prohibited by the creeds or superstitious notions of men.” Imagine the difficult position my own search for truth placed me in. My search to follow the words of Joseph Smith led me away from all I had known. Isolated me from my family, friends, and loved ones. It has not been easy, and I expect it to get more difficult. But I have known for some time I have needed to make this change, to follow the truth as I perceive it and do what I know is right or to follow societal norms of those around me.

On my mission I taught people to follow the truths I was taught from my childhood, and encouraged them to do what they knew in their hearts were right. I said they should follow the truth even if it meant changing habits, losing friends, and having to sacrifice relationships. These people were willing to leave all that they had known to follow the truth as I gave it to them. While I was on this mission I often wondered if I would have been as courageous as them; if I would have been willing to listen to random Americans and leave everything to follow the truth they taught. I always wondered and now have the opportunity to find out. For I have been “stopped in the streets” so to speak and learned truth. I know it and I know that I know it. I now need to finally decide.

I have put this choice off for far too long and have stayed in limbo for far too long. I want to be honest and open. Despite the many good aspects of the church and its members and the love I have for all those who embrace its creeds, I do not believe in what presently constitutes Mormonism or consider myself a current Mormon. I have made my decision. I have and will continue to seek truth and to follow it. I must finally do what is right and let the consequence follow, regardless of the relationships, friendships, connections, job prospects, or anything else I may lose. I must live a life of integrity. I must live my life to for myself and no one else!

So though I know you may disagree with my actions, at least I think you might be able to concur with my motives and desires to follow my principles and live honestly.

This is the first reason why I am stepping away. But that is not all. Perhaps if it was just that it would seem selfish to some extent. I don’t do this only for myself but also for others.

Stephen Covey has said that having continuity among our core beliefs and actions is a key to success. I concur completely, but it is even more than that, if we rob the world of the greatest gift we can give, namely ourselves.

I can no longer worry about whose sensibilities I am bothering, or what mask I am supposed to be wearing. I have spent far too many years of my life being the person the people around me expected me to be, and not being true to myself. William Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.” I have one gift to give this world. One gift alone. I have one life to give this one gift, and I can no longer avoid giving it. That gift is who I am.

This may sound like a cliché “be yourself” and all that. Clichés I have realized (for the most part at least) are statements that everybody knows are true, but nobody (or hardly anyone) understands or follows.

That is the number one reason why I made this decision. I leave with the hope that others in similar dilemmas might find the courage to follow the example I have set. That by doing so they may no longer live with the guilt and shame of being untrue to themselves and others.  

Now I know this letter may be difficult to accept. You may feel overwhelmed or even in shock. Though I truly feel sorry for the pain you are experiencing and can understand it completely, I do not apologize for what I have said. I stand by it. As Martin Luther said, “I cannot and will not recant!”

I thank you for taking the time to read these issues that I have been wanting to express for a very long time. This quote from Joseph Smith may be helpful, as you sort these things out in your mind and heart:

“I want the liberty of believing as I please. It feels so good not to be trammeled. It doesn't prove that a man is not a good man, because he errs in doctrine.” – Joseph Smith

With love and appreciation for all the good things you have done for me throughout my entire life.

I remain your son and brother,

My Real Name

Helping people stay in the Church

For anyone that follows Mormonism, you know that hundreds of people are leaving the church.  It seems as if the tide of people leaving is not slowing, and is in fact growing. Marlin K. Jensen has noted, “Maybe since Kirtland, we never have had a period of, I’ll call it apostasy, like we’re having right now.” 

So what can members do? How can members plug the holes? By many estimates the number of active members is decreasing at a steady rate. Can this be reversed?

As one who has recently left the church, and one who has talked to scores of others who have left, here is a small suggestion to active members of the church who desire to keep members in the fold.

Do not be critical or judgmental if a member joins or shows support for a liberal element of the Mormon Church such as Ordain Woman, Mormon Stories, etc.

Many members don’t feel at home in mainstream Mormonism. This is a fact. Because of political viewpoint or whatever other reason, many members feel isolated. The question is do these people have a place in the church? That is the question many ask themselves regularly.

Often these members go to Sunstone, or post support for Ordain Women on social media, or read D. Michael Quinn not because they hate the church, but rather because they are looking to find a place in the church. They don’t want to leave. They just want to feel comfortable. They want to feel part of the Church they love. 

 Furthermore often it is not these organizations and people that cause them to lose their faith; it is the reaction of their Mormon friends to their involvement in these groups. Many ex-Mormons I have talked to lost their faith not because of Sunstone or Ordain Women, but rather because of hateful and bigoted responses from members of the church. 

One ex-Mormon I know posted support for Ordain Women on her Facebook page, the comments and messages she received were so negative, hateful, and bigoted that she was out of the church within a week. Literally a week.  It wasn’t the Ordain Woman movement that took her out of the church. When she discovered Ordain Women it actually made her feel more at home in the church, feel like she actually had a place. The Ordain Women movement was keeping her in the church. The comments on her involvement are what drove her out. 

Similarly when people read D. Michael Quinn, or go to Sunstone or participate in the Mormon Stories podcast. These are things they seek out to find a place in the church. Often it is Church Members hostile emotions toward these faithful or semi-faithful groups that drive people away, not the groups themselves. 

Basically the take away is love and support anyone who joins a Gay Mormon, Feminist Mormon, or Intellectual Mormon group. If Members do this perhaps the tide of people leaving will be able to be stemmed, if not the Church will become an ever-shrinking group of people with a very limited ideological view.

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Barriers to Entry volume 1: Duel Maturity

In economics the term “barriers to entry” is often used to describe the difficulty of entering a particular industry.  The term could easily be extrapolated to my situation.

For the next few blog posts I am going to explore a few of my own “barriers to entry.” Today’s topic: mixed maturity.

The sign of maturity is knowing how to act in a given situation. Little children will start laughing and joking and can’t stop, while mature adults are able to laugh at a joke and then get back to work. They can be serious and silly in the same ten-minutes, changing on cue. They have control of their emotions.

And as far as that goes, I’m good. I can laugh hard and then put the game face on and get to work. In most every way, I am quite mature

I can have a half-way decent conversation about: politics, religion, history, literature, science, music, movies, and most other topics of general interest. Generally I am pretty mature, except…sexually.

Sexually I am as immature as a sixteen year old. Why? Because I am a fucking virgin (excuse the ironic pun).

I can’t control those emotions because you can’t control anything you haven’t used. You learn to control a horse by riding it. No amount of book training can make up for getting out in the saddle and riding. You will get bucked a bit and maybe get some bruises, but you will learn.

I haven’t learned. I am sexually ready to explore and live the “teenage dream” but I am not at the maturity of a teenager. I am an adult.

This might not seem like a problem, but it is. Adults expect other adults to behave like adults, in all things. It is a problem of duel maturity. It is like I am looking for a job with a masters in mathematics, but not knowing how to use a basic calculator. It is an awkward mismatch of skills.

The solution, you may be screaming at me, is obvious. “Start using that calculator!” Theoretically simple but in practice is a bit difficult.

Or at least it is until I can overcome my other “barriers to entry” (stay tuned!).

Adventures Or Lack Thereof?

I decided to start this blog why I still can. Because the name won’t be relevant for long… you know pretty soon I won’t be a 26-year-old.

I was going to call it “Adventures of a 26-year-old virgin” but decided that was a little bit of an oxymoron, and “lack of adventures of a 26-year-old virgin” probably would have fit better.

Yes, I am 26, and I am a virgin. You might be wondering why. As far as I know I am not terribly scary-looking, and indeed a pretty average guy. 6’0” tall, 150 pounds, brown hair, brown eyes. I play sports. I read. I like to write poetry and try new things and explore new cultures and ideas. I am very open-minded. I am no genius, but no dummy either, I graduated magna cum laude from a somewhat prestigious university in Mechanical Engineering.

Oh, what was that? What university you ask? Well maybe this is the real reason I have never “been laid” to use the Vulgate. I graduated from Brigham Young University. That is right, I am a Mormon. Or was at least, I have recently left the church.

So lots of people get out of the Mormon church because they want to drink or smoke or have sex. Lots of people get excommunicated (kicked out) because they have sex outside of marriage. I am kind of envious of those people. I got out by studying church history. Now how about that for boring?  Who do you not want at a party? A Mormon. Why?  Because they are boring. So who do you definitely not want at a party? They guy who left the Mormons because he studied too much. Talk about boring!

The great part about being a Mormon until 26 is that I missed all the partying, alcohol, and sex with multiple beautiful women in my early twenties while in college. Oh wait, that is the lame part. Well at least I got to go to a lot of somewhat interesting single’s ward [Mormon Church group] activities and hug quite a few girls! Okay, so using the principal of opportunity cost is not making me feel better about my situation. It does, however, let me practice my economics. Yay!

The great part about having a religion though is the social and community support it gives you, as well as added connection, especially as you move out of college and into a career in the world. Damn.

Oh well, I am adjusting to my new life as a non-Mormon. I am even trying to get back some of the party time I missed. I have gone into bars and clubs, but as I have no experience, and no friends that do those things, it generally is just extremely awkward. I have tried to drink alcoholic beverages a few times. I usually can get two small sips down. I am still trying to figure out what could motivate me to drink a whole glass of that stuff, or to seek it out and buy it.

I also tried coffee. It was okay but not that great. I would prefer a nice glass of water; maybe further explaining the whole virginity thing. This makes me think of the one thing that could motivate me to actually buy alcohol. That is right, women. I would try most anything if it would help, so feel free to contact me if you have ideas, and especially if you are a young beautiful female (you can send me a personal message if you want,  wink, wink).

 But as I don’t expect any of that to pan out, come back next week to read more as I will still be the 26-year-old Mormon virgin! Oh goodie!