The Mormon Virigin takes on rape.

No one I know is as eager to have sex as me. I am a sexual being. I am the first to admit I think about sex often, dream about sexual things, and am loaded with sexual fantasies. I am a 26 year-old male that has been on a 26 year fast from sex. It is getting a big long to say the least. But that doesn’t mean that I could ever, in all of my thoughts even consider being involved in none consensual sex. It does not make any sense whatsoever. 

The beauty of sex is in both sides wanting to be there. That is the excitement. It is a beautiful dance of passion, lust, love, fun, recreation, and so much more. But if someone does not want to be there it is like dancing with a board, and how fun is that? When I have sex I want my partner just as eager and excited to grab my wang as I am to massage her breasts (quite honestly I think I could write a great erotica novel!).  But if the other party was being forced or was not interested, it would lose all excitement and meaning. 

It would be like stealing a piece of cheesecake that you had to dig up from the ground and covered in dirt and worms . It makes no sense. Just wait until you can actually be given a piece of cheesecake on a clean plate and covered with cherries. It is worth waiting for, even if it takes 26 years or your whole damn life. Why would you ever submit yourself to having a crappy, sub-par experience?

If you really just need some place to stick your dick, get a tube of jelly, or some blankets, or a PVC pipe lined with cloth. With a little creativity I am sure you could think of hundreds of things you could use. Seriously what is your fucking problem? There are plenty of places to stick your dick into without having to force someone to surrender their body and mess up their life. You don’t have to force anyone, you will not have any guilt, and you get the same experience. Honestly can non-consensual sex be any better than sticking your wang into a hole in a board?  I don’t think so.

Every woman should be able to choose what dicks go inside of her, and which ones do not. If you need some place to put yours, honestly go find something to put it in or wait for permission.

I have waited too damn long to participate in that glorious thing called sex. I want it to be awesome, and I know it will only be awesome if both parties are down to play. If they are not, then I will not play. That simple. Everyone deserves to have that experience be an awesome one of lust and excitement, not of pain and coercion. We deserve that, every human deserves that, whether they have done it a million times, or, like me, are still waiting and hoping for that chance. Don’t take that away from me or from anyone else. Don’t you dare.

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Barriers to Entry volume 1: Duel Maturity

In economics the term “barriers to entry” is often used to describe the difficulty of entering a particular industry.  The term could easily be extrapolated to my situation.

For the next few blog posts I am going to explore a few of my own “barriers to entry.” Today’s topic: mixed maturity.

The sign of maturity is knowing how to act in a given situation. Little children will start laughing and joking and can’t stop, while mature adults are able to laugh at a joke and then get back to work. They can be serious and silly in the same ten-minutes, changing on cue. They have control of their emotions.

And as far as that goes, I’m good. I can laugh hard and then put the game face on and get to work. In most every way, I am quite mature

I can have a half-way decent conversation about: politics, religion, history, literature, science, music, movies, and most other topics of general interest. Generally I am pretty mature, except…sexually.

Sexually I am as immature as a sixteen year old. Why? Because I am a fucking virgin (excuse the ironic pun).

I can’t control those emotions because you can’t control anything you haven’t used. You learn to control a horse by riding it. No amount of book training can make up for getting out in the saddle and riding. You will get bucked a bit and maybe get some bruises, but you will learn.

I haven’t learned. I am sexually ready to explore and live the “teenage dream” but I am not at the maturity of a teenager. I am an adult.

This might not seem like a problem, but it is. Adults expect other adults to behave like adults, in all things. It is a problem of duel maturity. It is like I am looking for a job with a masters in mathematics, but not knowing how to use a basic calculator. It is an awkward mismatch of skills.

The solution, you may be screaming at me, is obvious. “Start using that calculator!” Theoretically simple but in practice is a bit difficult.

Or at least it is until I can overcome my other “barriers to entry” (stay tuned!).

Good-looking? Really? Spread this around. Please.

Most any one that manages to get to my position has to question if there is something wrong with them. Or maybe I’m just strange? Oh wait.

A few people have told me I am a good-looking guy. I am still trying to figure out what their motivation for lying to me was. That way I can trick some more people into doing it.

No, I do not need false compliments... well at least real compliments would be better.

Some people who have called me good-looking were sincere, I think. Perhaps there view was just not the same as most women. I guess some us look through a glass darker than others.

Needless to say, women do not go around throwing themselves at me. And as “throwing oneself” really just sounds like jumping, it might be kind of strange for women to jump at me, or anyone for that matter.

However, I would not mind if it was jumping, falling, hitting, or even just saying hello, if it was a girl, I would be happy, because maybe then I would be well on my way to no longer being able to write this blog.

But as that is not likely to happen, see you next week as I will still be the Mormon virgin.

Sex isn't everything...or is it?

At 35, Nicole Hardy, author of Confessions of a Latter-day Virgin, felt her virginity was holding her back. Many, including her mom, told her the common phrase, “sex isn’t everything.” And that is a pretty easy thing to say when you are married, or when you have had sex, and lots of it, in your life. But not for us. Just maybe, for us, sex is everything.

If you are reading this, you probably don’t worry too much about where your next meal is going to come from, or spend the whole day thinking about food. But try not eating for three weeks and then going a day, a single day, without thinking about food.

Try to walk down the street where you know every person you see has eaten recently, or will soon eat. Walk by restaurants where people are enjoying meals. Walk by homes and apartments where you will see silhouettes of people at tables with forks and knifes. Homes and apartments that are filled with people who you know eat multiple times per week. Walk by cars where people sit enjoying some chips or other small appetizers. Go to a movie where people laugh and talk about eating, and eat before you on screen. Walk into a room where someone has fully set out thanksgiving dinner on the table, where the turkey is under a metallic cover, where you know it will remain until after you leave, because you aren’t having any, because you are not eating.

Do that and then come tell me “sex isn’t everything,” and it is only small part of the whole relationship, that you can enjoy the more important and deep parts of a romantic relationship now with other relationships in your life, bla, bla, bla.

Do that first and then, with your mouth watering for the spaghetti sauce I am cleaning from my lips,  I will tell “food isn’t everything” and you will understand to some extent how we feel when you tell us “sex isn’t everything” after having kissed your wife 10 minutes earlier.

I know that sex isn’t everything. I know that a relationship is more than sex. But because of my involvement with the Mormon Church, I have gone 26 years without ever doing it. Though maybe not quite as life-threatening as not eating for that long, it is still a biological need that has been ignored, and so has become, unfortunately, everything. Everything I don’t have.

I was amazed when I was on my mission at age 20 to hear a lady talk about her dating life as an older female in the United States. She said how she actually preferred talking to non-Members in her online dating, because she said how Mormon guys always went straight to talking about sex or marriage very quickly. I didn’t understand that then, but I do now.

Frankly, most Mormon men are messed up. There is a reason Utah has the highest rate of porn subscriptions in the United Sates. Most Mormon single-adult men and women are, like me, adolescents in adult bodies. They have never plunged through that early voyeurism and been able to put it behind and focus on the deeper and more important that matter in relationships and life. They are left with a longing, a painfully sad regret and longing.

And such is the life of many of us 20 or 30 something Mormon virgins. 

Adventures Or Lack Thereof?

I decided to start this blog why I still can. Because the name won’t be relevant for long… you know pretty soon I won’t be a 26-year-old.

I was going to call it “Adventures of a 26-year-old virgin” but decided that was a little bit of an oxymoron, and “lack of adventures of a 26-year-old virgin” probably would have fit better.

Yes, I am 26, and I am a virgin. You might be wondering why. As far as I know I am not terribly scary-looking, and indeed a pretty average guy. 6’0” tall, 150 pounds, brown hair, brown eyes. I play sports. I read. I like to write poetry and try new things and explore new cultures and ideas. I am very open-minded. I am no genius, but no dummy either, I graduated magna cum laude from a somewhat prestigious university in Mechanical Engineering.

Oh, what was that? What university you ask? Well maybe this is the real reason I have never “been laid” to use the Vulgate. I graduated from Brigham Young University. That is right, I am a Mormon. Or was at least, I have recently left the church.

So lots of people get out of the Mormon church because they want to drink or smoke or have sex. Lots of people get excommunicated (kicked out) because they have sex outside of marriage. I am kind of envious of those people. I got out by studying church history. Now how about that for boring?  Who do you not want at a party? A Mormon. Why?  Because they are boring. So who do you definitely not want at a party? They guy who left the Mormons because he studied too much. Talk about boring!

The great part about being a Mormon until 26 is that I missed all the partying, alcohol, and sex with multiple beautiful women in my early twenties while in college. Oh wait, that is the lame part. Well at least I got to go to a lot of somewhat interesting single’s ward [Mormon Church group] activities and hug quite a few girls! Okay, so using the principal of opportunity cost is not making me feel better about my situation. It does, however, let me practice my economics. Yay!

The great part about having a religion though is the social and community support it gives you, as well as added connection, especially as you move out of college and into a career in the world. Damn.

Oh well, I am adjusting to my new life as a non-Mormon. I am even trying to get back some of the party time I missed. I have gone into bars and clubs, but as I have no experience, and no friends that do those things, it generally is just extremely awkward. I have tried to drink alcoholic beverages a few times. I usually can get two small sips down. I am still trying to figure out what could motivate me to drink a whole glass of that stuff, or to seek it out and buy it.

I also tried coffee. It was okay but not that great. I would prefer a nice glass of water; maybe further explaining the whole virginity thing. This makes me think of the one thing that could motivate me to actually buy alcohol. That is right, women. I would try most anything if it would help, so feel free to contact me if you have ideas, and especially if you are a young beautiful female (you can send me a personal message if you want,  wink, wink).

 But as I don’t expect any of that to pan out, come back next week to read more as I will still be the 26-year-old Mormon virgin! Oh goodie!