Adventures Or Lack Thereof?

I decided to start this blog why I still can. Because the name won’t be relevant for long… you know pretty soon I won’t be a 26-year-old.

I was going to call it “Adventures of a 26-year-old virgin” but decided that was a little bit of an oxymoron, and “lack of adventures of a 26-year-old virgin” probably would have fit better.

Yes, I am 26, and I am a virgin. You might be wondering why. As far as I know I am not terribly scary-looking, and indeed a pretty average guy. 6’0” tall, 150 pounds, brown hair, brown eyes. I play sports. I read. I like to write poetry and try new things and explore new cultures and ideas. I am very open-minded. I am no genius, but no dummy either, I graduated magna cum laude from a somewhat prestigious university in Mechanical Engineering.

Oh, what was that? What university you ask? Well maybe this is the real reason I have never “been laid” to use the Vulgate. I graduated from Brigham Young University. That is right, I am a Mormon. Or was at least, I have recently left the church.

So lots of people get out of the Mormon church because they want to drink or smoke or have sex. Lots of people get excommunicated (kicked out) because they have sex outside of marriage. I am kind of envious of those people. I got out by studying church history. Now how about that for boring?  Who do you not want at a party? A Mormon. Why?  Because they are boring. So who do you definitely not want at a party? They guy who left the Mormons because he studied too much. Talk about boring!

The great part about being a Mormon until 26 is that I missed all the partying, alcohol, and sex with multiple beautiful women in my early twenties while in college. Oh wait, that is the lame part. Well at least I got to go to a lot of somewhat interesting single’s ward [Mormon Church group] activities and hug quite a few girls! Okay, so using the principal of opportunity cost is not making me feel better about my situation. It does, however, let me practice my economics. Yay!

The great part about having a religion though is the social and community support it gives you, as well as added connection, especially as you move out of college and into a career in the world. Damn.

Oh well, I am adjusting to my new life as a non-Mormon. I am even trying to get back some of the party time I missed. I have gone into bars and clubs, but as I have no experience, and no friends that do those things, it generally is just extremely awkward. I have tried to drink alcoholic beverages a few times. I usually can get two small sips down. I am still trying to figure out what could motivate me to drink a whole glass of that stuff, or to seek it out and buy it.

I also tried coffee. It was okay but not that great. I would prefer a nice glass of water; maybe further explaining the whole virginity thing. This makes me think of the one thing that could motivate me to actually buy alcohol. That is right, women. I would try most anything if it would help, so feel free to contact me if you have ideas, and especially if you are a young beautiful female (you can send me a personal message if you want,  wink, wink).

 But as I don’t expect any of that to pan out, come back next week to read more as I will still be the 26-year-old Mormon virgin! Oh goodie!